It's... Complicated

Yes, i'm writing in gray. which keeps bringing back the question how the hell do you spell gray? is it grey or gray! i've seen it both ways. anyway... i haven't been able to update lately... cause its been complicated. but here i am, trying to explain it to you all. i like someone. and he LIKED me. then he met my cousin. now he LIKES her. and i'm just there. but the thing is, he is looking for someone to marry, and he says that he'll tell his mom to get to know the girl he likes and get his mom to know the girl's parents. one problem... his mom likes me, and he likes my cousin. ... now, him and i are the only people hurting in this situation, and i don't have a freaking clue what to do. i can't taste anything. i'm never hungry. i ate cake yesterday, i didn't taste any sugar. i can't feel water going down my throat. what the hell is this feeling?! i'm scared, and don't know what to do, but neither does he. he feels the SAME EXACT WAY AS I DO. i try and tell him to follow his heart, and he won't hurt me because he knows how i feel. i told him if you are happy, so am i. and right now, he's confused and mopey, and so am i. he can't stand hurting anyone, but if he doesn't do anything, he's gonna hurt my cousin, me, and more importantly himself. like.. i don't know what to do anymore. i've told him EVERYTHING to make him feel better... you are strong enough to listen to your heart and not about what ur mom says. but he doesn't know if he's going to make the right choice between the two of us. and i told him when it comes to love, you have all the chances in the world to make it right. so don't worry. but he does, so i do. we were talking last night, and we were both crying. i don't know what to do anymore. i'm lost. i can't sleep. i can't concentrate on anything i do. i do everything wrong now. what is this feeling? its killing me. but the thing is, he's the first person to have EVER liked me... and now i'm losing him. so i guess i'm hurting for him, and hurting for me too. i don't know if i should tell him that. we can't talk about anything else. and i don't know if anyone else will ever come to like me. but love is about sacrifices right? well, gotta go. and by the way, my heart has been broken before.... so i'm used to it, this is different though, and i don't know why...


k.. i'm out
please pray for him. he needs to be happy again.

hopeless romantic #1... broken hearted...